Saturday, 21 June 2008

• why do I bother?

  My sons went to play with my friend's daughter.  I was talking with my friend and trying to get my daughter to sleep.  She was saying that once we moved and my husband started working, we should hire help, a nanny, a maid, etc.  I told her that we would have to see how our budget looked like and would you please pass the bean dip.  She was saying that her quality of life was so much better since they do have help.  For several months, her mother in law was taking care of their daughter and after that, they had a nanny.  Her husband works from home, but according to her, he doesn't do much housework.  She is in residency with my husband, but from what I've heard, she calls in sick all the time, typically when she is supposed to be on call in the hospital.  They are expecting a new baby any day now.  I've heard comments like "how on earth do you guys make ends meet on one salary, especially a resident's salary?".  We just do.  We saved and then there's the whole concept of delayed gratification.  After 7 years on a resident's salary, we saved enough for a downpayment on a house plus the closing costs.  It really wasn't so bad.  There are tons of things that one can do for free, the beach, the park, the mall play area in the winter, and one year we bought a family pass to a children's museum.  It paid for itself in 3 visits.  I have to say that our quality of life has been just fine thankyouverymuch. 

  She commented that her mother will be coming and she was wondering how my apartment was like, was it clean.  I said yes, but it's only a two bedroom.  She said, really?  So where did your mother in law sleep when she came because in my tradition, it's not okay for a guest to sleep on the floor.  HUH???  Who said anything about my mother in law sleeping on the floor?  My mother in law and my oldest son shared a bed, our younger son has a twin sized mattress on the floor next to our bed, and the baby slept in our room.  It was fine, not too cramped, just cozy.  I told her when my husband's aunt, uncle, and mother came to help us with our first born, it was 5 adults and a baby in a 2 bedroom apartment. 

  I left with a bad taste in my mouth.  As if we were some kind of weirdos because we've been making do in so many ways.  I'd like to think that we are resourceful.  Really to raise a baby/children one does not need much, just clothing, shelter, food, and two parents that love them.  Don't look at me as if I were a martyr or something because I am at home raising my children.  They are little.  They need me.  I didn't have them only to turn around and have a nanny raising them.  When they are older, then I will (maybe) go back to work or go back to school.  In the meantime, I bring books from the public library to keep my mind active.  Who knows, maybe one day I could have a work at home kind of business.  My husband and I are working around our schedules so that our children don't have to go to childcare.  It takes creativity, but it's doable.  When I need a break or if I have an appointment, I try to schedule it at a time when he can be home with the kiddos.  Or I take them with me.  There ARE ways to keep children calm in public, healthy snacks are always good.  So is taking them out when they are fresh.  Most of the time I like the set up that we have.  Children are not a burden, and being at home doesn't have to mean a death sentence.  There.  Vent over.  We now return to our previously scheduled programming.

  • 4:55 PM
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